Languages have always come easy to me. In high school I excelled while taking three languages at once (German, French, and Russian) and continued my love for French through a minor in college. But I am now faced with a language barrier I cannot seem to conquer...that of "teenager-hood."
Many folks have warned me about the "joys" of raising teenage boys; mood swings, stubbornness, changing sleep patterns, increased appetites, extended time spent in the bathroom, etc. But so far, no one has mentioned the necessity of learning a new language.
As far as I know, English is still my first and primary language. And after too many years separated from the daily use of my multi-lingual abilities, English is the ONLY language I speak at home, at work, in life. However, even after raising my now teenage son in that same language, he suddenly doesn't understand simple commands and requests.
I say "Clean your room," he hears "Throw everything in a pile and take it to the laundry room for my Mom to sort through." I say "Empty the dishwasher," he hears "Stack all the clean dishes on the counter so my Mom can put them where she wants them." I say "Get ready for bed," he hears
"Blah, blah, blah." (Actually, I think that's what he hears most of the time. Or perhaps it sounds something like the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons we grew up with...Mwaa, mwaa, mwaa.) In any case, something is getting lost in translation.
So to combat the misunderstandings, I revert back a universally-used technique when language becomes an obstacle...I start to gesticulate wildly, arms waving and fingers pointing, while raising my voice to say the same things louder and with more emotion. My brow furls and my face reddens. Surely this will get my point across. Uh-huh. That of course is met with the obligitory, "Mo-om, why do I have to do it YOUR way? Why do I have to do it RIGHT now? What's the big deal?"
UGH...
During less contentious times, my son and I have some lovely conversations! He is a very funny, bright kid who has a serious passion for all creatures great and small and has a very interesting way of looking at the world. He has a big heart and a gentle soul. I have had talks with him explaining that it's my JOB to teach him how to be responsible, how to be humble, how to take care of himself, how to be a contributing member of society, how to pray, how to apologize and mean it, how to be a good friend, and so many other things. I am preparing him to be a good husband to a very special young lady one day; a devoted father to however many children God has planned for him. More important than all the words I spew at him, my actions need to be the example. I need him to see me living my life in such a way that it inspires him to be better, do better, feel better about himself and know, no matter what, he is loved and valued!
So, maybe I have been relying too much on my words, and not enough on my actions. Maybe I need to take him by the hand and tackle these things more side-by-side, so he sees what I am showing him instead of trying to decipher what I am telling him. Maybe we both need to take a step back and remember that at the end of the day, a hug goes a long way to soothing hurt feelings and overcoming any communication hurdles we face. Maybe I'll give this a try...stay tuned:)
P.S. "Doh-je" - Thank you in Cantonese