This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high mountain down.
Answer: Time.
There is never enough of it, and yet all we do is jump ahead to the next the hour, the next Friday, the next holiday, the next vacation. Next, next, next. We would gladly skip all the intermediate, in-between hours, days, and weeks, just to enjoy whatever it is (we think) we are looking forward to. But it’s in those “in-betweens” where life lives and breathes. Where memories are made and moments are engrained in our hearts and minds forever.
We incorrectly assume that wishing these “in-betweens” go faster will result in the weekend/vacation/summer going slower. We imagine lazy days filled with sunshine and happiness; not a care in the world to trouble us. If we can only get through the monotony and ritual of work and chores and responsibilities and schedules…
I am one of the worst offenders. I dread Mondays as the beginning of another work and school week. Anxious over bills to be paid, keeping the young ones on task, juggling busy schedules, meal planning, lunch packing, and work meetings, I often start Monday morning by counting the days until Friday arrives! As evidenced in my previous posts, I am also quite a planner. Looking ahead to the next family gathering, holiday, birthday, or vacation inevitably results in ever-growing lists running amok in my head. What to bake? What to bring? Where to go? What to pack? What to buy? Who to tell? When to go? Why now?
Everyone knows a half-hour spent doing something we love flies by in what seems like seconds. On the flip side, that same half-hour spent in a traffic jam, at the dentist’s office, in a boring corporate meeting, or waiting on test results seems to take HOURS!! So, rather than there never being enough time, maybe we just don’t cherish the time we do have.
Remember the “staring contests” we had as children? Ha, Ha…you blinked:) Well, there’s a grown-up version called ‘Eye Gazing’. It’s not so much a contest as it is a challenge for couples. The premise is easy—stare into the eyes of your partner. The rules are few—blinking, giggling, laughing, or crying are allowed, but no talking. Sit close, but find a comfortable position. And maintain eye contact for 10 minutes. 10 MINUTES??!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I CAN ACCOMPLISH IN 10 MINUTES??!! That’s the equivalent of folding one load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, going through the mail and starting dinner, for goodness sake!! In 10 minutes I can brush my teeth, take a shower, and iron my blouse. In 10 minutes I can pick a fight with my teenager, slam some doors, cry to my husband and post a Facebook update sharing the entire episode. How can I justify sitting quietly, lingering in the pools of mystery, intrigue, and love that are my husband’s eyes??
Newly in love, time stood still as I gazed into those eyes. Birds sang, music rang in my ears, and all was right with the world! Then life got in the way. To-do lists got longer. And time to spend just ‘being’ with each other seemingly disappeared.
I’ll be honest, I haven’t sprung this challenge on my better-half yet (future blog post, perhaps?). But, the principle can be applied to all facets and all people in our lives. While I don’t plan on sitting across from my parents, grandparents, or teenage sons, gazing into their eyes for minutes on end, I do need to take the time to really ‘see’ them. Listen intently to what they have to say, not just passively repeating “Uh-huh”, “Yeah”, “Okay”, to keep the conversation moving. I need to memorize their features, the tone of their voice, the timbre of their laugh, the feel of their touch. What is their story? What makes them unique? How can I connect with them in a way that will be meaningful and lasting? How do I stop time long enough to capture and appreciate the truly special moments (both the everyday, commonplace interactions and the remarkable, extraordinary ones) with these people?
Time is neither our enemy nor our friend, but it is finite and precious. Wishing it away so we can move on, get over, or leave something behind will only leave us wanting more. The clock is ever-moving at a constant pace. Never faster or slower. We can only control the speed with which we live this life, not the speed of life itself. Don’t rush it. Don’t wish it away. Live in the "in-betweens". Treasure them. Relish in them. Savor them.