What would cause such a symptomatic response, you ask? Public speaking!! Oh, the horror!!
For many of us, the words “speech”, “oral presentation”, or “public speaking” immediately give way to waves of panic, anxiety and perhaps even nausea. Of course everyone’s reaction is different, but for me, the effect of those words is instantaneous and conspicuous. I can no more hide the physical manifestations of nerves than I can make myself vanish into thin air (though I often wish the latter was possible!)!
Standing up in front of a crowd is not a comfortable place to be for me. Nor for most people, I’m sure. Naturally, we all know a few folks who love to bask in the attention and glory of everyone around them, but I think most of us find being the center of attention uncomfortable. Perhaps even debilitating. But it is a life skill; a necessary evil, even in this world of decreased human contact and increased digital communication. And as such, it becomes a “teachable moment”.
This week, our youngest son has been practicing for his first oral presentation. He has always shied away from the spotlight, but as he recited his report over the past few days, I have seen him blossom! His confidence is growing and his personality is shining through! I can’t wait for him to conquer his first speech!
In an attempt to comfort his anxieties, I shared some of my own experiences with him; assuring him EVERYONE gets nervous when all eyes are on them. Whether it’s a speech, athletic event, dance or musical recital…a “performance” commands a measurable amount of courage and bravery. As Nelson Mandela so eloquently said, “courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it”. It is up to each of us to find a way to defeat the voice in our head consuming us with doubt and insecurity. In the role of his mother, it’s my job to fill my son’s tool box; give him the gizmos he needs to tackle the obstacles in life.
I have had the opportunity to speak publicly on various occasions throughout my life, beginning at a fairly young age. As a child, some described me as precocious. “Wise beyond her years, “ they would say. Comfortable using an advanced vocabulary normally saved for someone much more mature, in both age and stature. Even so, I don’t ever recall seeking out the spotlight (others may remember this differently!).
From giving a speech to a local Toastmasters International Club when I was a pre-teen, to delivering the commencement sermon at our church celebrating our high school graduation, to reciting an original poem for my Grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary, I have spoken in a variety of venues and to an assortment of crowds. Many of my addresses early on were either social engagements or school requirements. But as I entered “Corporate America”, the opportunities for speaking to a crowd grew immensely. And the format changed. Suddenly the audience no longer held the loving (and forgiving) faces of family and friends, but instead it included those having little patience for failure and with the power to alter my career path.
As my responsibilities grew, the expectations evolved. My first corporate presentation was certainly one to remember! Shortly after my husband and I were married, I was appointed to a team tasked with creating our company’s Y2K (remember that??) preparedness solution. I was going to be in-charge of researching, evaluating, and testing various soft-ware options and then forced to present my findings in front of the officers of the company. I was terrified! I was an entry-level customer service rep with less than a year with the company. I was certain this was a “make or break” moment.
I planned and rehearsed for days, only to wake up the morning of the presentation with a terrible cough and laryngitis. My worst nightmare! As I tried to make myself as presentable as possible, I stumbled into the kitchen and found a fresh pot of coffee next to a printed “certificate” from my husband entitled the “Way-to-Go-Award”. It congratulated me on my first career presentation and assured me I had all the tools necessary to get the job done. That little piece of paper was the extra ounce of confidence I needed to get me through that day, and has acted as a source of encouragement every day since!
Now years later, I find myself bombarded daily for my thoughts, input, opinion, and feedback. Sometimes this is in a one-on-one discussion, but more often, it is in front of groups of various sizes. Whereas before, my public speaking had been driven by specific events or guidelines and I was able to spend time preparing for and practicing the recitation, now I am being asked to think on my feet. Succinctly describe my thoughts and opinions on the spot. No planning. No rehearsal. No edits. Yikes!!
Public speaking for me has always been a love/hate relationship. I love to write (obviously), so the research, organizing, drafting, and amending represent the joyful part of the process for me. The actual getting up in front of a crowd, whether it is 5 people or a hundred, is the part I dread. Stumbling over my words and hearing my voice quiver, can quickly result in my confidence plummeting. Admittedly, I am one of those people who, given time to form my thoughts, can deliver a very witty or profound statement. But it almost always comes after-the-fact. “If only I said…”, “I wish I would have told them _______”. Queen of quick comebacks I am not:(
Nevertheless, daily exposure to these scenarios over the course of many years is gradually filling my toolbox. I know better what to expect. I can take steps to prepare physically, thereby reducing some of the characteristic consequences. For instance, if I know I have a day of meetings ahead where I will likely be asked to speak, formally or informally, I may choose to wear a turtleneck or scarf. This allows me to hide the inevitable rash. I may also stay away from caffeine for the day, knowing it will only add to my jittery-ness. I remind myself to breath while responding. And I pray. A LOT. While these acts may seem petty or even obvious, every little tip or trick I learn, makes the next attempt that much easier and more successful.
Life lessons. The more I teach, the more I learn. Parenting is not about re-inventing the wheel. But rather, adapting our tools for the next generation.