Momming is the gift that keeps on giving; it's a privilege, an honor, and at the core of our being. It drives us, completes us, fulfills us, empowers us. Moms have the sole ability to bring forth life. And in doing so, the bond is everlasting.
I look at my boys now, growing into men who no longer NEED their mom; at least not in the ways they once did. But "momming" them is literally coursing through my veins; an undeniable force.
And as I navigate how to "mom" them while still respecting their boundaries, I can't help but think of my own mom and how she still wants and NEEDS to mom me.
Look, I'm nearing 50...whoa, when did that happen??!! And there are times when it drives me CRAZY that my mom still reminds me to be careful driving, or wants a call or text when we get back from a roadtrip, or does my laundry or dishes or house cleaning when she's in town.
And, as a daughter herself, I can clearly remember my grandma saying things or doing things purely out of love, that made her bristle as well. Boundaries can be difficult, if not impossible, for moms to decipher, let alone honor. For example, there was a time when my grandma was visiting for a week while my parents were out of town. She took it upon herself to rearrange the living room furniture as a "gift" to my mom. You can probably guess how well that went over.
We won't always get it right. We'll overstep. We'll smother. We'll annoy. We'll nitpick. We'll nag. We'll ask questions we don't really want the answers to and have no business asking. Our agenda will not always seem clear and you will accuse us of interfering more than once. But let us. We can't help it. We're powerless when it comes to containing or controlling our love for you.
As I find myself taking my college son's laundry basket out of his arms before he makes it through the front door, and making his favorite breakfast before he gets up the next morning, I think of how my mom "moms" me much the same way.
So, when the manchild asks for a snack at 10pm as I'm on my way to bed, because "no one makes it" like I do, I gladly turn myself around and make a double batch, smiling ear to ear the whole time.
Because that's what we do. It's who we are. And we LIVE for these moments. So let us. We've spent virtually every moment of our lives since you were in our bellies, in an attempt to raise you into productive, successful, and independent members of society. We've cried more tears, lost more sleep, second and third-guessed ourselves into oblivion over you and the bazillion possibilities of defeat, destruction, and demise.
Now that you've made it into adulthood, give us our dues. We've earned it. Let us.
Let us do your laundry.
Let us make your favorite meal.
Let us take you shopping and buy you underwear with no holes.
Let us do the things you don't take the time to do for yourself.
Let us show you off and brag about you to our friends and neighbors.
Let us tell the same embarrassing stories about your childhood over and over and over again.
Let us hug on you and kiss on you and hold your hand.
Let us hang on your every word.
Let us be the friend and confident we couldn't be when we had to be your teacher, your guide, and your mentor.
Let us chase away your doubts and remind you of your wings.
Let us fill you with confidence and assurance.
Let us laugh with you.
Let our experiences be your food for thought.
Let us spoil you.
Let us mom you.
So, if you're a kid, show us some grace. Roll your eyes if you must, but let us do ALL. THE. THINGS. It's not because you can't do for yourself, but let's be honest...how much do you really want to do that pile of laundry??!! Take the spatula covered in brownie batter when we offer it. Linger in our hug even if it's the hundredth one today. Relish in the freshly made bed, with sheets that somehow always smell like home and remind you of where you came from. Share your stories, your fears, your triumphs, your wins, your losses, your questions, so we can help unburden your soul. Remind us of your boundaries and we'll try our best to respect them...cross our hearts.
If you're a mama, remember he's not your little anymore. I mean, he'll always be your little, but he's now a grown ass man. Don't embarrass yourself by licking your thumb and wiping that smudge off his cheek. Don't ask him if he needs jock itch spray or if he has a girlfriend yet. Know your kid and don't nag to the point of shutting him down. But make sure he knows you see his growth and are proud of his choices. Throw in his favorite meals, laundry service, and a few reminders about brushing his teeth and scrubbing behind his ears for good measure. Be the person he knows he can go to when he's had his best day OR his worst day. Make sure he knows home will always be a safe place with an open door and open arms.
If you are both someone's kid and someone's mama, listen closely. You've got to walk the line carefully. Let your mama "mom" you to her heart's content, for you now know how fulfilling that is. You know how much you want and NEED to "mom" your baby...don't deny your mama the same.
Let us.