My dreams have always been vivid and in living color. I remember the details long after I have woken, and my husband has been known to shake me awake when my whimpers and twitching indicate some sort of involuntary distress. I also have recurring dreams...you know, those pesky repetitive themes which pop up at the strangest times and in the most bizarre settings. Recognizable enough, I find myself immediately realizing I am dreaming and trying to find my way out.
One of the oddest repetitive dreams I have is a nightmare involving all my teeth falling out. One at a time, my teeth start to loosen and then fall out. I've researched this one on the omniscient internet and evidently the meaning revolves around recognition of the fact that I have allowed something to be said, that should have remained unsaid. Psychology would suggest I "ask myself if I have recently let something slip that may have been particularly hurtful or judgmental." Uh-oh. At least I'm in good company, as this is one of the 5 most common recurring dreams:)
The second dream I often find myself entwined in involves being back in high school or college. Of course the classrooms look different and the layout is obscure, sometimes reflected as a labyrinth of ramps, stairways, and halls. I usually find myself realizing I have somehow forgotten to attend my 6th hour French class all semester and now, on the day of finals, I am debating on whether or not to walk through the door. Or, another iteration finds me standing in the middle of an expansive foyer leading to a multitude of hallways lined with doors of various colors, staring at a blank schedule printout. Yeah, I know. I'm messed up:)
According to the "experts", these high school dreams highlight unpreparedness, insecurity, or even vulnerability with my job or career. This makes sense as I have often said, "One of these days, everyone's going to figure out that I don't have a clue as to what I am doing!" I'm not kidding. But until that day comes, I'll keep feeding the delusion.
Then, there are the darkest of dreams. The ones filled with fear so real and so terrifying, it seems peaceful sleep is an unachievable fantasy. My nightmares are rarely whimsical or fictional in nature. They most often involve "real" people, in "real" jeopardy, set in a familiar setting; making them all the more disturbing. After a recent middle-of-the-night wake-up, I felt like a six-year old...I didn't want to go back to sleep and I was desperately driven to turn on every light in the house! I moved from our bed to the living room, and wrote the following:
In the darkest part of night
Just before dawn breaks
The wicked demons set their sights
On my peaceful dreamscape.
Twisting, turning, pulling, tearing
Everything upside down in disarray.
The fear and pain linger once awake
Tear-stained cheeks to start the day.
Thankfully, these episodes are few and far between. Sometimes I wonder how much "rest" I could possibly be getting while my mind is busy playing subliminal hijinks for several hours a night. I also wonder what it would be like to dream only in black and white, or to wake with no memory of my dreams or nightmares. For many people, this is the reality and I am the exception.
Hmmmm. I think this must be one of those "blessing and a curse" situations. For as many horrific scenes that play out between my ears at all hours of the night, there are also those precious memories and wishful moments that play back in realistic detail; talking with my late Aunt Thee and introducing her to my husband and sons, watching my late Grandfather sit at a card table concentrating on a puzzle with his socks only covering his toes, frolicking in the old farmhouse/lodge where we would gather for large family events or community picnics. I can touch the soft wrinkles on their hands. I can feel the pile of the old red shag rug beneath my feet. I can smell the old, dusty, wooden gym floor.
I don't need a 'dream interpreter' to tell me what any of these dreams mean. They mean I'm connected. I am carrying with me the wisdom of those that have gone before, the knowledge that my time here is finite, and the awareness that love transcends time and space. See, I think dreams, in their purest form, are one of God's ways of reminding us of where we started, affirming our "now", and providing a glimpse of what is to come.
What a blessing, indeed!