What if…
the semi-truck driving over the bridge just ahead of me, suddenly bursts into flames?
the plane I am traveling in, disappears without a trace?
my husband gets struck by lightning while out running?
my son has a nightmare, falls out of his loft bed, and breaks his neck?
that noise I hear is some sort of rabid critter building a home in my attic?
I forget to say “I’m sorry” or “I love you” and I never get another chance?
These, and ten thousand others, are the things that keep me up at night (and preoccupy my day, if I let them!).
Sometimes, my worries are more relative and valid. Am I a good wife? Am I a good mother? Did I handle that situation correctly? Will my kids turn out to be contributing members of society? Did I remember to turn the crock-pot on? But, more often than not, my worries are far-fetched, out-of-this-world, one-in-a-million types that waste my time and suck my energy. After much self-discovery, I am aware most of my worries stem from a lack of control. My need for control drives my fear of being out of control, which manifests itself as various degrees of anxiety. Vicious cycle, right?!
From the outside, you would be hard-pressed to see an anxious person. Occasionally, when the circumstances are just right, I can be found fiddling with my wedding ring, or furiously bouncing my legs to curb my growing angst. And presented with the need to converse in an uncomfortable environment, or when feeling particularly insecure, bright red blotches appear on my chest and work their way up to my neck before setting my ears on fire. So attractive:(. But most of the time, my worries attack when I am alone, and especially when I am desperately trying to sleep. A quiet mind is a playground for the nerves.
I have struggled in recent years, with what this says about my faith. The Bible is full of direction when it comes to worrying:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God,” Philippians 4:6
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you,” 1 Peter 5:7
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own,” Matthew 6:34.
If, despite my self-awareness and fervent prayer, I am still a “worrywart”, what am I doing wrong? The answer is, I’m not letting go. I’m holding on because I think I know best. I’m in charge. I’m strong and independent and more than capable of taking care of things. Look at me; at all the things I have accomplished; at all the gifts in my life. Surely these things were the result of MY doing!!
Wait a minute…how audacious. How ridiculous. How completely laughable. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights,” James 1:17. Everything I have to be thankful for (and my blessings are bountiful) were gifted to me by God. Period. Somehow, He has seen fit to provide for me daily, despite my arrogance, ignorance, and sin. Halleluiah!
So, it’s time for me to follow the instructions I doled out so righteously not long ago. Well before we were all subjected to the latest Disney franchise and the song that will forever be ingrained in our heads, I shared a concept I am still trying to adopt: LET. IT. GO.
Here’s how it works:
Take your worries and concerns (serious or light);
with pen in hand, write, write, write.
Slowly forming a thought or scribbling with fury,
just one word or many; meaning clear or blurry.
Weighing heavy on your heart or muddling your mind;
take this pen to paper and peace you will find.
Now take a moment to read what you wrote;
feelings on a page, words on a note.
Take a deep breath and close your eyes.
Crumple it up and say, “goodbye.”
Open the “trash box” and you’re almost done;
the air is now lighter; here comes the sun!
Last on the list is a step you should know:
Light a candle. Say a prayer. And “LET… IT… GO.”
Perhaps with a healthy dose of humility, vulnerability, and surrender, my ‘Anxiety-girl’ cape can be retired. For it turns out worrying isn’t a super power after all. The real power is in letting go.