Looking back at this time last year, there’s no way I could have prepared myself, or my family, for the surprises 2017 would hold for us. At times during the year, I very much felt like one of those blow-up punching dummies…getting knocked down at every turn, but somehow finding a way to bounce back.
Life is not a game to be won or lost. Life is neither fair nor unfair. It’s just life. And it’s meant to be lived to the fullest. This means feeling all the feels and allowing oneself time to process, reflect, and regenerate. We don’t “deserve” better or easier or less complicated and none of us are owed simple and painless. We are given a hand to play, but there are numerous opportunities to change our cards along the way. Some decisions we make, and some decisions are made for us.
Spending our days and nights planning for what may or may not come next, worrying about the outcomes, assuming we have all the answers is futile; not to mention a waste of our time and energy. Facing each day with true appreciation, acceptance, and a willingness to be in the moment, is the only way to honor the gift of life bestowed upon us. Because it is a gift.
As this year comes to a close, snapshots of the year’s events play effortlessly in my mind. Loss, triumph, laughter, and tears. Family, friends, adventures, and missteps. Betrayal, forgiveness, renewal, and growth. The emotions tied to these moments frozen in time, lay just below the surface; some are tempting me to unleash their overwhelming influence and get lost in the swirling soup of despair and turmoil they will surely create. While others will fill my heart so completely with hope and love and gratitude, I’ll be swept up into a utopian existence, void of anything short of perfection and denying reality. A slippery slope for sure.
So, instead, I choose to acknowledge the memories for what they are; points of reference, opportunities to gain life experience, learning tools, heart scars. I’ve learned hard lessons this year, and though the process wasn’t fun, I realize now, it was necessary. The first half of what I hope to be a very long life, has prepared me for whatever comes next. My eyes have been opened. My heart has been laid bare. My spirit and resolve have been tested.
Time seems to go by more quickly with each passing year. But there are those moments that play out in slow motion, over and over and over again. Joy. Pain. Success. Defeat. Fear. Building a campfire. Pacing a waiting room. Hearing the rain on a rustic cabin roof. Crossing a finish line. Kayaking a river. Skipping rocks at sunset. Laughing so hard it hurt. Standing in the middle of an empty room facing a casket. Holding hands under the stars. Teaching life lessons to teenagers.
By the grace of God alone, the end of the year is now upon me, and the anticipation of a new year full of more adventures, less drama, heightened self-awareness and a lessened necessity for validation and control is on the horizon. I exposed myself (intentionally and unintentionally) to many new encounters this year. I tried very hard to say, “yes” more than, “no.” I reached a new level of self-acceptance and learned to appreciate compliments from others, but not to seek them out. I found patience when I thought that well was dry. I found compassion when I wanted to turn my back. I found forgiveness when my heart had been torn to pieces. I found hope when my world was falling apart. I lost myself amongst the torrent of unbridled overwhelmingness, but I crawled out of that muck and lived to see the sun rise again.
There’s a lot of living left to do this year. Many days still to fill. Many memories yet to make. Many smiles and hugs and love to share. No matter what this year has held for you, don’t wish it away too quickly. There is no telling what 2018 has in store and that is the beauty of this life we live. In the grand scheme, it’s a temporary preparedness station; a place where our only true responsibility is to make each day purposeful; constantly moving us in the direction to becoming our best selves.
So, here’s to the last few pages of this chapter and the beginning of the next. Be the author of your story and own every word.